A Moms life

Mackey

 

Yesterday, Todd had to do what was probably one of the hardest things he has had to ever do. He had to put his beautiful dog to sleep. I know I should say our dog, because we all loved her, but she really was his. When I met Todd 10 years ago, it was him and Mackey. Todd had been through some rough times and it was Mackey who got him through it. When we started dating, I knew that it was a package deal, Mackey was a huge part of his life..they did everything together.

I did not come along until Mackey was three, and missed out on some of the "fun" puppy things that she did. My favorite one hearing about was the time she got into a huge package of little cans of V-8 juice and got them all open..what a mess! One of my funnier memories is actually the night I found out I was pregnant with Eli. I was working in San Francisco at the time and had a feeling I may be pregnant. On the way home, I bought a very large bottle of water and a pregnancy test. When I pulled in the driveway, I had to go..really go. Todd was out front and told me I could not go in the house. It seems Mackey had some tummy problems and there was a big mess on the floor. Lucky for us, we lived in the mountains and I went and took the test behind the house.

Todd is a huge animal lover and would always take in a stray dog he found wandering around. Mackey was NOT a big fan of this, but seemed to catch on quickly that these dogs were not here to stay. Then came "the beagle". Mackey tolerated Harley for a few days, thinking that she too would soon move on. Harley was here to stay though, and I don't think Mackey was ever okay with that. Mackey had one playmate, and that was all she needed..she had Mikey. When we would open up our gate up in Bonny Doon, Mackey would go sprinting across the street to see Mikey..she loved Mikey. She also loved Mikey's house and the easy access to cat food.

Mackey, like most labs, loved food. Todd said that she was kind of the runt of the litter and had to really push her way into her mom to get fed. It does not surprise me at all, that she is the puppy that Todd picked. Becasue of that, I think Mackey was always worried about where her next meal wwould come from, and spent much of her time wandering around looking for food. When we lived in Bonny Doon she could just wander, and wander she did. One day when Mackey went missing for a few hours, Todd found her a few houses down. He knocked on the door, and the woman said "shh..she is sleeping" as she pointed to Mackey passed out on the couch with a very big belly. Everyone loved Mackey, she was such a sweet dog. She loved to parade around with things in her mouth to show off. Todd once bought me a huge teddy bear for valentines day that she soon took over as her own. She would carry it around shaking her butt and would use it as a pillow in her dog bed.

It is so hard to right about Mackey without sharing my feelings of guilt. I hate, that as the years went on, Mackey ended up moving down the line. She was really good when we had Eli, she would watch over him and did not seem too bothered by the new addition to the household. When Eli was almost two, we found out that he was allergic to dogs. I knew that getting rid of Mackey should have been something we thought about, but it really wasn't an option. Because of Eli and his allergies, Mackey no longer had free reign over the house, but she was still an important part of our family. Unfortunately, the more kids we had, the less time we had for her. I don't think she ever really adjusted to our life in Scotts Valley without ability to roam free and stairs that started to make things really difficult for her. I feel awful that I took away the life she once had and the times that her and Todd shared. She had a good long life though and I have to believe that she is in a happier place where she can run around free and without pain again.

I don't know when we will be ready to get another dog. but I do know that there will never be another Mackey.

    

I smell a blog post coming on..

Todd says that to me at least once a day and is soo dissapointed when he checks my blog and sees that once again, I have not updated it. I'll start by sharing yesterdays blog-able (is that a word) thing.
Eli can't sit still, he is always moving around. While he was not sitting still while eating dinner last night, Todd said that Eli was like a roomba in that he is always moving. I then said he was actually the opposite of a roomba since he is always moving but makes messes everywhere he goes rather than cleaning up meeses.

Now on to some totally unrealted pictures. We headed up to Coastanoa on Saturday to have breakfast. I rarely whip out my camera while eating, but I am trying to take more everyday pictures and wanted to capture the kids just being themselves. Plus..the lighting was really great ; ). If you go through my blog, you will see that the majority of my photos are horizontal and pretty close up. I was happy when I saw that I took more pictures that are horizontal and show a wider view.

Hello Blog, it's me Michelle...

I really have no good excuse for waiting this long to blog. I have lots of blog posts written in my head, I just can never seem to get them here. I could say that there are not enough hours in the day, but that is really no excuse. Sure, the past 5 months have been busy, but I should have made the time. I wanted to start blogging again, but where to start..so much to say. Updates on the kids, things going on in my head, thoughts about turning 35 in a week..so much to say, so little time!

For now though, I will start with some pictures. Here they are, the 3 kids..growing up right in front of my eyes..

delinquent

Yup, that's me..I have been delinquent in my blog posting. There is just not enough hours in the day. I have a million things I always want to write about but never enough time. I should write a little about Ari though. I just realized he is going to be 16 months on Thanksgiving..no! He is growing up and killing me with his cuteness every single day. That boy has me right where he wants me. He is walking..fast. He looks a little like ET when he walks and it makes me giggle. His favorite word is ball..ball, ball, ball..all the time ball! Loves anything shaped like a ball and throws everything. He has a good arm, Todd may just get that quarterback. He says mama and lights up when he sees me. I am clearly his favorite, well..that is until daddy is around. He gets so EXCITED when Todd comes home at night, it's adorable and when he gets sad or tired these days, he wants his daddy. He is not to keen on any other adults though. He is clearly going through that separation anxiety stage..not good.  He's a cutie though and I am just so thankful for this little guy and what he has done for our family..chaos in all. I normally don't post this many pictures, but if I try and narrow them down, I'll never post them..enjoy!

 

Michael Phelps, Daphnie & Sock Monkey

Just realized never posted the pictures of our Halloween clan. The fact that I got a picture of all three of them looking in the same general direction is quite an accomplishment. I did not get so lucky with the pumpkin patch pictures which I still need to share.

Seriously..could he be any cuter?

The wig totally made me giggle..it's bigger than her!


I was pretty happy with how this costume came out. It seemed EVERY boy costume at the store was violent and gory, I wasn't really digging them. Eli saw the muscles and wanted them, I then found the medals and swim cap and viola...Michael Phelps.

And me as Velma..maybe next year we can get the boys involved and be the whole gang.

The Finish Line..

 

A few weeks ago, I completed the half marathon I had been training for, and I think I am finally ready to write about it. I have hesitated because I am not sure I can really capture what it meant to me..but I'll try.

The evening before the race, Team in Training hosted a pasta party for the 5000 TNT participants. What an inspiring evening. It started with all the participants walking down a huge staircase through the very loud cheering of the trainers, coaches, captains, managers and support staff of TNT. I think there were 2000 of them. I could not help but get chills and be so proud to be a part of something like that. While eating dinner, I was able to read about honorees across the country, and every story was another reminder of why I was there. I was a bit apprehensive when I started fundraising. It is hard to ask people for money, even if it is for a good cause. All those feelings felt silly when I was in a room with 5000 people from across the country who had raised at least as much as I did. All these people had a story, their own reasons for taking on this challenge and raising money for such an important cause.

I did not sleep well the night before the race, I was too nervous. The morning of the race, the nerves went away and the excitement kicked in. Being in Union Square in the early morning as the sun began to rise, surrounded by 20,000 people was pretty surreal. A little after 7am, I walked across the starting line and started running. Those first three miles were the best three miles I have ever run, I ran them with no problem.  Then came mile four.  My reoccurring knee problem started, and I had excruciating pain with every step that I took. It really didn't matter though, I could get through it. I ran a little, I walked a little and I cried a little..I was doing this. I thought about what cancer patients and their families have to endure every day, a little knee pain was not going to stop me.

On the bottom of my shirt, written upside down, I had the names of children I know fighting cancer and one young woman and a little boy who lost their battles. When I thought that there was no way that I could take another step, I could just look down and see those names..they kept me going. I thought of their moms who can't stop fighting. No matter how hard it gets and how tired they are, they have to keep fighting. I ran behind people who had survivor written on their shirt and people who had photographs of those they were running for on their shirt, that kept me going.

The feeling I had when I saw and crossed that finish line was better than and more emotional than I could have imagined. I did it, I completed a 13 mile race. Four months ago, I could not run a mile, but I completed a 13 mile race in just over 3 hours. It actually wasn't really a race for me, I sure was not going to win, I was just happy to get to the finish line. The race is over for me, but not for those still fighting cancer. Unfortunately for them, the journey does not end after 4 months or 13 miles . They are in an ongoing race with hope of eventually crossing that finish line and winning.

six

At this time six years ago I was anxiously waiting for Baby Zoe to be born. Yes..I said baby Zoe. For those who don't know the story, we were told we were having a girl. For some reason, I had a feeling it was a boy, which is why I saved the receipts for ALL the girls clothing I had purchased. Labor and delivery with Eli was NOT easy, it was stressful, difficult and no doubt traumatic to Eli. To be honest, the first year of Eli's life was quite similar. Todd and I were first time parents and Eli was NOT an easy baby. At the time, we just thought that is how babies were, but came to learn that in fact, he was not an easy baby. Eli had allergies we did not know about and spent lots of time with rashes and bellyaches while Todd and I tried to make him happy. He was a sensitive baby. Fast forward six years and he is a sensitive little boy..I guess some thing never change.

I wish I had kept a journal when I was pregnant for the first time. I would do anything to get back in my head and remember how I felt before becoming a mom for the first time. I know that I am a MUCH different person than I was six years ago. I really had NO idea how being a mother would change me. I had no idea how much I would actually love this little person and how my heart would just be full. I had no idea about the worry and stress that came with being a mom or the extreme joy of hearing the word mama.

Eli is not that old, yet it is so strange to me that I did not have a digital camera for his first two years. You're going to have to settle for these poorly scanned photos for this walk down memory lane.

Here he is a day after he was born. I could not believe how beautiful he was, just perfect.He was such a little guy, six pounds. I loved to just hold him and smell him..he fit so perfect in my arms. Sometimes I get sentimental and pull him on my lap now. He doesn't fit so great, and six year old boys just don't smell the same as babies.

 

The first year with Eli was so much different that it was with the others. It was just him and I for what seemed like such a long time. We went to playgroups, played at the park and sat on the floor and just played. I stressed about how much food he ate, how often he pooped, when he would talk, start to crawl, my life revolved around Eli. Hmm...maybe that explains a little more about his personality these days.

Eli's first birthday. I probably should burn all the pictures and handmade invitation from his first birthday party. We went all out, how could we not, he was our only baby. But..as many of you know, as the years go on and more children are born, the parties just aren't the same. I hope Zoe & Ari never have a complex about this. Look..he has two costumes. The cutest little devil and a dalmatian for later in the day.

It's hard to believe that by his second birthday, little 10 week Zoe was here as well. The raincoat jacket picture is the ONLY picture from the pumpkin patch that year. It was raining and I had Zoe strapped to me. We pretty much hopped out, grabbed our pumpkin, took a picture and left. No wonder I have become obsessive and taken hundreds of pictures at the pumpkin patch every year since.

He still had such a baby face when he turned three. While I stopped keeping track of all the milestones long before his third birthday, I did start to think more about the lasts. The last time he feel asleep on my lap, the last time he used his binky, the last time he stopped looking like a baby and more like a boy..those were the things I did not want to forget.

Another year of not great pictures, but I'll never forget how happy he was to be Flash and have an Incredibles jumpy house.

It's hard to believe that by the time Eli turned five, I had two more kids. Three kids in five years..yikes! Five was a whole new world.

And here is at six. He let me snap these quick pictures today while he wore his great new shirt.
 

Eli and I are not having the easiest time right now. I'm not sure what it is, maybe we are too similar and that is making things difficult. I love this boy though. He is my first born, he taught be how to be a mom. He has had to deal with the mistakes I made while I learned. He has to be the big boy now as the oldest of three..it is not easy, I know that. But..he is such a great little boy, so smart and handsome. He has a big heart and just adores Ari & Zoe. I love you Eli..Happy sixth birthday big boy!

One of these days...

I will get back to blogging..but it won't be today! Just not going to happen.

I still have not written about my half marathon..I ave to do that.
Zoe and I had a girls night out the other night..so fun.
Eli scoring his first goal a few weeks ago at his soccer game.
Family trip to the pumpkin patch this past weekend.
Most importantly...Eli turning 6 on Friday...6! How could it be that 6 years ago today, we had no kids, and now we have 3!

Zizzo

One of her many nicknames that has stuck with her over the years. I have to say...she has been such a joy lately. Something really changed with her when preschool started this year and I should not jinx myself by saying she has been easy, but she has. I look at her and am overwhelmed by her beauty. I worry about what the teenage years will be like for her and what I can do to ensure she keeps her happy little spirit. She really is her own little person and one of the things that brings me the most joy is watching her spin around and sing her silly made up songs. I feel like I am always pulling out my camera trying to capture who she is right now and everything I see in her..it's not easy. Zoe does not cooperate for the camera and either looks away or makes a goofy face wen she sees it. I got lucky this past weekend by having the camera with me most of the day, I think I captured the many faces of Zoe.

Serious Zoe...

Spinning, Dancing & Giggling Zoe...

The please let me take a picture faces..the cheesy smile, the fake smile with the funny top lip thing and the I am not going to smile smile.

Here is the Zoe biting her bottom lip smile

I love this girl!

I have no catchy title...

I go through phases with my picture taking. Some weeks I take hundreds of pictures, others, I just don't seem to pick my camera up. The past few weeks I have not taken many. Now that I have put myself out there as a "real photographer" to family and friends, the pressure is on to take great pictures all the time. If I am just trying to capture the kids and get nothing that wows me, I think maybe I am not good enough and am crazy to call myself a photographer. I need to remember that the only way I am going to get better is to just keep snapping away. I brought my camera on an afternoon walk yesterday and am pleased with a few of the pictures I got. Yesterday I explained to Eli and Zoe that I wanted to make money taking pictures for other people. I told them that if they wanted to continue to get birthday and Christmas presents, they had to let me practice my picture taking skills on them so I could get better. It worked for a few minutes. I love this picture of them hugging and need to dig through my boxes of pictures from the past two years because I know I have a very similar one from a few years ago. Yes..two years of pictures, probably almost 2000 that need to be put in albums..just thinking about it overwhelms me. I need to do it though. This morning we sat and looked through photo albums from 3 years ago and the kids love doing that. It's just not the same as looking at them in boxes or on the computer.

Eli looks so charming and innocent in this picture. If only that was the case. Him and I are having a rough time lately. He is clearly going through a big adjustment with 1st grade and has an attitude that makes me understand why people send their kids to boarding school. I'm kidding, of course I would never send him to boarding school, but right now I really don't know what to do with him. Rather than list all the bad things, I'll focus on the good. I love watching his brain develop as he learns so many new things. His ability to read is amazing, he spells words, does math, writes real sentences. It is pretty neat to watch him learn all these new things.

And Ari..my sweet baby Ari. He is starting to look and act more grown up every day. He says two very clear words, and they are the same as Eli's first words. Da for Dog, or anything small and furry and Baaall for ball. Anything round is a ball and the way he says it is so adorable. He looked like such a big boy in one of Eli's old sweatshirts but I loved this picture because it still shows the baby features that will slowly go away and not be as noticeable. The chubby cheeks, perfect skin, long eyelashes, cute little lips..so perfect.

Ari LOVES climbing up our stairs and is so proud of himself with every step. Yesterday he was so cute as he turned around to make sure we saw him doing it.

When he got the top he looked over to see what he had accomplished..so proud.

That face..sometimes I wonder how we could have created something so perfect. I am still trying to figure out though how we ended up with a little blondy. I have started to tell everyone to have a third baby. I am not going to say it is easy, but there is something so special about that third one.